I used to loathe New Year’s. To me it was a reminder of all that I’d failed to do, all the turmoil and upheaval and the things that went wrong somehow. I wanted the year to just be over so that I could begin a new one. Except that, even beginning a new year, I didn’t exactly look forward to that supposed “fresh beginning.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that somehow I’d lost a year and was probably going to muck up the next one as well. My whole perspective was defeatist and toxic.
Now things have shifted. I can’t say exactly how or when,… but they have. It’s like when you live in a place for years and have the same view day after day and suddenly one morning, you look up and actually see what’s in front of you and realize just how beautiful it is.
This year has been very difficult. I still feel that and acknowledge that. I’ve had more than a few scrapes and bruises and storms to weather. To discount that would mean also discounting the fact that I’m here and stronger – just with a few more callouses. But the difficulties no longer blind me to what was good and beautiful. I don’t know if this is a product of aging, or writing, or embracing being me,… but whatever it is, I will honor it by marking off 2010’s “beautiful things”…
This year I:
~picked up a paintbrush for the first time in 10 years and have completed four paintings
~took a much-needed trip from New York to Seattle where my welcome was reaffirmed in the city I love
~began writing a work a fiction – embracing my quirky sense of humor and love of whimsy
~realized my worth to others and recognized that I am loveable and loved (this one’s a biggie for me)
~made some wonderful friends in New York (and survived a New York winter with all my toes)
~embraced a crush for what it was and willingly walked away while still enjoying the “butterflies”
~drove 2,764 miles in a car packed with all my belongings, Freyja-dog as co-pilot, and returned to Seattle – taking in some amazing views along the way that I will never forget
~moved into a tiny apartment in my favorite Seattle neighborhood and enjoyed (am still enjoying) making that space my own
~got rid of my television and made more time for creative pursuits in the process
~watched Freyja (once afraid of everything) bloom into a wonderful, intelligent, loving companion (and watched her play in snow for the 1st time)
~reconnected with a cherished friend
~enjoyed a beautiful fall in Seattle
~adopted a 2nd rescue dog – dubbed Angus Wee Beastie – who quickly became Freyja’s bestest little buddy
~wrote a new piece of music of which I am especially proud
~purchased a bottle of champagne and made plans to celebrate (actually celebrate) the arrival of the new year
So here’s to the New Year and most importantly, a new perspective! May 2011 be full of beautiful things for all of you who have helped to make 2010 worth celebrating.